2020 - One Little Word

Created a new space, in my room, for all the creative things. And the natural light is perfection.

I've chosen my one little word for 2020...create. As usual, I thought about a few different words, but there was something about create that stuck. I let it sink in for a few days before ultimately deciding that it would be my one little word for the year.

As usual, I want to share some of the ways I'm hoping create will guide me throughout 2020...

Create beautiful things

I consider myself to be a fairly creative person. I've always loved photography, scrapbooking, art journaling, design, etc., but I don't spend as much time doing these things as I'd like. I rearranged some things in my apartment and created a space to create...mostly to art journal, but maybe in other ways as well. We shall see! I've already created more than usual because of having this space and all of my supplies out and ready to use! Hoping to explore some new creative skills this year too! 

Create space for my soul to breathe

Over the last few years, I've been trying to prioritize rest and balance. Working in ministry (much like many other careers/fields) means that there are always needs...something that needs to be done, someone who needs help, something to learn more about and better understand, etc. But I'm continuing to learn how important it is so create space for my soul to breathe so I can do all of those things with a full cup, ready to pour out. I'm creating space by waking up and not looking at my phone until I've read something from the Bible or a book...by drinking water with lemon essential oil first thing in the morning...by listening to worship music while I make coffee...by writing down 5 things I'm grateful for every day...by reading more words in physical books than on social media posts. We're not quite two weeks into 2020 yet, but I can already feel a difference.
My soul can feel a difference. 

Create margin for God

This is somewhat related to the last one, but I wanted to be a bit more specific. I am going to try to open (and read, obviously) my Bible every single day. I know it seems like something that I should already be really, really good at, but it's just not. I've always struggled with establishing a daily routine for reading my Bible and praying, but I'm working on it...and it's going fairly well so far! One of my favorite blog/Instagram ladies, Elise Blaha Cripe, has a free daily habit tracker that I'm using for a few of my goals this year. I'm a very visual person so I've found this to be an effective way for me to see my progress. I'm also trying to journal my prayers more often, which is something I've carried over from last year. It helps me to focus more, as it's very easy for me to get lost in my own thoughts if I just pray in my mind...and it's always helpful to go back and see how God has answered my prayers! 

Create a difference in the lives of others

I just really love people. Yes, I may be an introvert that thoroughly enjoys being home alone, but I also really love being with people. And not just people, but my people. The kiddos in the village. The teens in the It Takes Courage programs. The people I serve alongside in the different ministries. I want to find ways to serve them better this year. Even though I still feel like I'm in a season of transition and I don't know what the future holds...I want to show Jesus to them in small, every day moments. And this doesn't just apply to "my people", but also to the people I come in contact less frequently. The child begging outside of the grocery store. The person serving me coffee or food at a restaurant. I want to show Jesus to them as well, in small, every day moments. 

Found this verse and I can't stop reading it. So fitting for create and this time in my life.

There a few other ways that I'm incorporating create into my life, but I'm going to keep those private for now. If I see fit to share them later on, then I will :) Obviously, I'm sure there will be other ways in which create manifests itself in the upcoming year, and ways that I'm able to look back and see only at the end of 2020. Either way, I'm excited to see where create takes me in 2020.

Just as it was with grow in 2019 and light in 2018, I've already starting seeing the word create as I read books, listen to music and scroll on social media. It's so interesting how that works!

If you've chosen one little word for 2020, I'd love to hear what it is...and how you see it guiding your year. Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email :)

One Second Everyday in 2019

Here we are! We've reached the end of another year...a beautiful year, a messy year, the year of 2019. Like I said in my 2018 post, once we reach the last week of the year, I'm usually wishing the days away so I can make this video! While I make weekly and monthly videos, there's something special about putting it all together. Even though I recorded each clip, sometimes I forget about different moments throughout the year.

I've already watched this video a few times now, and I can't help but smile as I watch it. Sure, there were parts of 2019 that I didn't love, but this "project" always helps me to find a little good in every single day.

If you don't already have the 1 Second Everyday app, I'd strongly encourage you to try it out this year. It'll take some getting used to, but trust me when I say that you won't regret it!

Moments of GROWTH in 2019

As I did last year with light, I want to reflect on 2019 through the lens of my "one little word", GROW. If you want to go back and read the original post about how I chose grow, click here.

Looking back, I can easily see so many moments of growth in 2019. I can look back with such joy, and even pride in seeing how much I've grown.

But I can also look back at the year with extreme disappointment in my lack of growth. I'm not entirely sure what I expected of myself (and maybe of God too) when I chose the word grow, but I'll be honest and say that I don't feel like I "met the goal"...even though I wouldn't even say that I set a goal, per se. It's complicated.

Anyways, I don't feel like I grew enough. But then I have to stop myself. Do we ever, in life, feel like we've grown enough? How much growth is "enough"? And I also think that, some of the growth won't be visible until later...

From my blog post where I shared my word for 2019, I broke grow down into four parts. I'm hoping that breaking down these four parts will help me to see more growth than I can see if I think of my growth as a whole in 2019.


As you might recall, I used the four parts from Luke 2:52, which says "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor God and man".

In wisdom

• Read more books: So I didn't read as many books as I would have liked, but I do feel like the ones I read were exactly what I needed to be reading at the time. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Remember God by Annie F. Downs - That ending. Bawled my little eyes out. Love me some AFD!
• Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs - Technically, I read most of this one in 2018 and finished it in 2019, but I'm still counting it!
• Becoming by Michelle Obama - Such a good read. Loved learning more about her life story and perspective. 
• Garden City by John Mark Comer - This one took me awhile to get through due to the content, but it was a very good read. 
• You Are the Girl for the Job by Jess Connolly - A must-read. I just read it in October, and I already want to read it again. Such incredible encouragement and wisdom. 
• Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung - I read this book in two days during Christmas break. And again, I already want to re-read it at a slower pace to really take it all in. 

• Pray regularly: I tend to go through phases where I pray a lot, and then not so much...and up and down and back and forth. I can't say that I grew a ton in this area, but I did journal a lot more of my prayers so that feels like growth to me!

• Seek out wisdom from people: I can list a handful of people who I was a bit more vulnerable with this year, both with joys and disappointments. It can be hard for me to be vulnerable, but I feel like I grew (and continue to grow) in sharing with others and seeking wisdom from them. I'm blessed to have some very wise people in my life, and for that I am thankful. 

• Learn more: Thankfully, I feel like I always have a desire to learn and seek out information. I wanted to learn more about a few specific topics (social work, Romania and the Enneagram) in 2019, and I did better with some than others. From best to worst, I'd say I learned the most about the Enneagram, a little about Romania, and a tiny bit about social work. I rank them in this order because I sought out a lot of information about the Enneagram...I learned more about Romania simply by continuing to live here and ask questions...and sadly, I wouldn't say that I necessarily learned specific/concrete things about social work. I guess that's why I'm thankful for continued growth. Must keep learning...

In stature

• Work on overall health: I kind of broke this one down into four more parts: physical, emotional, relational and spiritual. Much like "Learn more", I did better with some than others.
• Physical: I would say that I grew in my understanding of how important choices (food, water, exercise, products used) are when it comes to physical health. 
• Emotional: This one is always ongoing...
• Relational: I deepened some relationships this year, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
• Spiritual: Thankfully, this is always an ongoing process. I don't feel like we can/should ever reach a point of being "fully grown" in our relationship with God. I always want to be learning more and growing in my relationship with Him. 

In favor with God

• Grow in relationship: Again, not sure if it's possible to be "fully grown" in one's relationship with God, but I do feel like there has been growth in this area. I tried to spend more intentional time with Him, and to be obedient to what He asked me to do. 
• Focus on being with Him vs. doing things for Him: I tried to prioritize this concept a bit more this year. It can be a bit of challenge when others have different expectations about how "productive" I should be or how I should be spending my time, but I'm slowly learning the importance of taking my directives from HIM in this area. This is an area of continued growth as even my own expectations (about productivity) get in the way sometimes too. 
• Grow where He has placed me: I feel like I've continued to grow into my life in Romania...in my ministry, my work with Him here, my call to this place, my relationships, etc. So so so thankful that He placed me here in Romania. 

 In favor with man

• Open my mind, circle, heart: As an introvert, a somewhat private person and an Enneagram 9, I knew this one would be hard for me. I typically like to keep things to myself and to stay in my bubble, but I do believe there was a tiny bit of growth. I opened my mind to new ideas. I tried to widen my circle and heart by letting others in a little closer. 
• Be more aware of how I treat people: Learning more about the Enneagram definitely helped me to grow in this area. I try not to point everything to the Enneagram, but it's definitely an amazing resource and tool that helps me to understand myself and others better. 
• Improve communication skills: Can I just say "see above"...? Yes, it's my blog post so that's what I shall say. See above. 

And there you have it, my growth in 2019. 

I grew. I didn't grow. 

I'll always be growing...and that's okay. 

I'm thankful for slow and steady growth. 

When I think about all of the ways I didn't grow this year, these last few sentences encourage me to focus on continued growth in the most beautiful way. I am thankful for Morgan Harper Nichols and the way she writes about growth. 

"...and you may not have been able to notice all the ways you're growing. But I promise you, beyond your knowing, you were blooming. Your roots were growing deeper. Your heart was growing strong, your soul, a well of life."

So. Thankful.

M is thankful for...school, family, God, health and happiness.

I'm a few days late to the "what I'm thankful for" party, but as we all know, better late than never is my official motto. That's probably what I should have named this blog 😂

On Friday, we did a Thanksgiving craft with the kiddos in the village. Obviously, they don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in Romania, but we try to use our holiday as an opportunity to have them think about what they're thankful for. And of course, we incorporated turkeys into it as well!

For this craft, they needed to write five things they are thankful for on the turkey's feathers. I had written a list of examples for them...to help with ideas, spelling, etc, but the little boy in the photo didn't need that list. After not attending school for a little while, he has recently returned and is, of course, learning to read and write. This meant that I needed to write on his feathers for him, and that he couldn't read the list of examples I had written down.

So I asked him what he is thankful for in his life...expecting to need to prompt him with ideas like I did for many of the other children...but I could tell that the wheels were turning and he was genuinely thinking about what he's thankful for.

After a second, he said that he is thankful that he gets to go to school, which again, is a recent change in his life. He went on to say, in full sentences and with such thoughtfulness, that he is thankful for his family. He is thankful for God. He is thankful that God has given him health. And he is thankful that God has given him happiness. As I wrote these words on his feathers, I could have wept.

This sweet child took this opportunity, through this simple craft, to practice gratitude and found five things that he is thankful for despite the many challenges he's endured in his short life. And let me tell you, he wanted to write a few more, but we ran out of time.

I am so thankful for this moment that I had with him. I've been thinking about it/him since the program ended on Friday afternoon, and I decided to use his five things as inspiration to practice gratitude myself...

I am thankful for...

• School - I am thankful for education. I am thankful to my parents who chose to send me to a private school from 1st to 8th grade. Of course, I'm thankful for the academic education I received there, but I'm also thankful for the spiritual education and the lifelong friendships that I made during that time. I'm also thankful for my college education. It's very easy for me to have a negative attitude about my college education due to the amount of student loan debt that came with it, but I am thankful. I am thankful for the social work education that I received, and I truly don't know if I'd be in Romania had I not chosen to go to Olivet. I probably would not have met the social work professor who connected me with Romania, and I definitely would not have met friends who I remain close with to this day. 

• Family - I am thankful for my parents and my sister...and my niece, nephews and brother-in-law. I'm extremely thankful for the relationships I have with each of them, but these days I'm also so incredibly thankful for technology that allows us to stay so closely connected despite the fact that I'm halfway around the world. And, of course, I'm thankful that they continue to support me in my decision to live and serve in Romania. 

• God - To put it simply, I am thankful for God and the personal relationship that I get to have with Him. Through the good times and the more challenging times, I am thankful for His constant presence. For his love, peace, grace, forgiveness, mercy, wisdom, etc. 

• Health - I am beyond grateful for my health. I've had very few physical health issues in my life, and I think my health is something that I take for granted sometimes. Since living in Romania, for various reasons, I have become more and more aware of how fortunate I am to be physically healthy. People here are constantly thanking God for physical health, and it's something that I need to practice more often.

• Happiness - I am thankful to do work that bring me happiness. Whether it's doing a craft with children or playing ridiculous games with teenagers, I am so incredibly thankful for the work I get to do here in Romania. It's not always easy. In fact, this past week came with some really tough stuff, but there's still happiness to be found. 

I could never have imagined that this is the life I'd be living, and yet I am SO. THANKFUL.

A slow Sunday is good for the soul.

I had a slow Sunday today. I woke up not feeling great, and decided to stay home from church, lunch plans, etc. Little did I know, that this slow Sunday would rejuvenate me in ways I didn't know I needed. Let me tell you what my slow Sunday looked like before I briefly tell you why I've needed to be rejuvenated...

- Drank coffee: Freshly brewed coffee in the french press with one drop of Cinnamon Bark essential oil (from Young Living 😉) in the coffee grounds. Let me tell you, this has been a game changer for my fall/winter coffee. Combine that brewed coffee with warm, frothy milk and a little sugar. SO GOOD.

- Listened to worship music: The This is: United Pursuit playlist on Spotify is my favorite playlist right now. The majority of the songs bring tears to my eyes at some point, and I just love filling my apartment with this music. Some of my favorites include Lay It All Down, Let It Happen, Through and Through, Set a Fire, and so many more.

- Watched a sermon: If you know me, you know how much I love Annie F. Downs...and basically any content that she puts out such as books, podcasts, sermons, Insta posts/stories, etc. Anyways, I remembered that she had semi-recently preached at Cross Point so I went to find the sermon. I ended up finding a sermon called Working Hard at Rest that she did in July rather than the most recent one, but guess what? It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was about rest. Rest, and more specifically, practicing Sabbath, has been on my radar for awhile now, but I'm really feeling seeing the need to prioritize it. This sermon was the first part in a series called Lazy River, and I am excited to watch the rest of the series.

- Started a new book: I bought a book before I left the States called You Are the Girl for the Job by Jess Connolly. I've been following Jess on social media for awhile and when she started talking about the release of this book, I kind of tuned it all out. Why? Because most days, I DO NOT feel like I am the girl for the job. For this "job" in Romania. For most "jobs" that I get assigned to here. You get the idea. And honestly, the thought of reading this book scared me because I know how how much scripture Jess uses to back up her writing and teaching...and I know that I can't argue with God or the reminder that He says that I am, indeed, the girl for the job. I've been wanting to start a new book so I picked this one off of the shelf today and WOAH. It's exactly what I've been needing.

- Diffused some oils: To start the day, I diffused Grapefruit and Jade Lemon oils, which woke me right up and helped me to start my day. You probably don't know this because I haven't shared too much about it online, but I started using Young Living essentials oils in May 2018. I was such a skeptic when it came to essential oils, and truly thought that Young Living was just another pyramid scheme trying to sell me something I didn't need. After following a few oil users and doing some research, I decided to give them a try. I bought a Premium Starter Kit from a woman named Mary who was, at the time, selling PSKs in an effort to fund her family's international adoption. I'm a sucker for a good cause. But man, oh man, I can't even begin to tell you (at least not in this short blog post) what using oils, and other Young Living products, has done to support various areas in my life...physical, emotional, etc. More on this at another time...or feel free to contact me if you're curious about oils. Yes, I am being "that person" at this current moment 🙋 Not sorry.

- Put a load of laundry in: After the sermon about rest and Sabbath, I decided that I would try to make today a bit of a Sabbath. In the sermon, Annie says that Sabbath is rest and worship. While washing one's duvet cover may not seem like rest, it actually allowed my mind to rest knowing that I wouldn't be putting it off for yet another day.

- FaceTimed with a special young lady: I was able to enjoy about 1.5 hours of absolute joy while on FaceTime with Larisa, one of the teens who was in the It Takes Courage program for three years. She is now off at university in Germany (studying social work!!!) and it was so so great to hear all about her new adventure. It continues to be such an immense privilege to invest in the lives of young people here in Romania. This FaceTime call was good for my soul.

As I'm sure you know by now, this is the view from my balcony.

As you may have read in my last blog post, I feel like change is coming. I wrote that post as I sat in the airport, not officially back to real life in Romania, but now that I'm here, it's becoming more and more clear that this feeling is real. Change is coming. Conversations are happening that make some of these (previously unknown) changes very real. And yet, I feel like other changes have yet to make themselves known. And you know what? It's all kind of exhausting. Hard conversations and difficult realizations that are leading to brainstorming and planning. It's tiring. It's scary. It's discouraging. I don't think I've realized how difficult it's all been until this morning as I rested and took time to process some of it. Things are changing. And while it's definitely scary, 100% of the time, it can be kind of exciting too. I'm excited to see what God's up to...because He's clearly up to something. And I'm getting a little more used to the idea that I am the girl for the job...whatever that job may be.

Morgan Harper Nichols

October 1st

Photo by Ashim D'Silva on Unsplash

As I write this, I’m sitting in the Bucharest airport. It’s 9:17pm in Romania…but my laptop still says it’s 1:17pm in America. And my body doesn’t quite know what time it is. I landed a little before 8pm, but my bus doesn’t leave until 6am. Soooo I’ll be here for awhile. I can usually sleep just fine in the airport, and there’s a guard constantly roaming the halls so I’m safe. (Adding that for my parents and other parental figures in my life!) I’ll prop my legs up on my suitcases and try to get as much sleep as possible. If all else fails, I have a 5 hour bus ride in the morning, and I usually sleep the majority of that ride since I can’t read or look at my phone much. Carsick problems. 

Now that we’ve established where I am, let’s review where I’ve been. As most of you know, I spent almost two months exactly in the States…spending time with family and friends, speaking at churches, meeting new people, attending a study abroad fair at a university, trying new things, etc. It was a whirlwind to say the least…an enjoyable and challenging whirlwind. 

Being at home in the States is always an interesting experience. But obviously, it’s my home. It will always be my home. There’s nothing like walking back into my bedroom for the first time and seeing old photos and knick knacks that I’ve never gotten around to packing. I love the familiarity of driving back to my house after going out for coffee with friends or running to the grocery store. I love watching Raegan and Maveric jump on my bed with Holden crawling down the hall two seconds later to see what his sister and brother are doing. I love sitting with my family at church in the same pew that we’ve sat in for as long as I can remember. I love getting ice cream with friends at everyone’s favorite local spot. I love taking road trips to visit close friends, and feeling like we picked up right where we left off. I love every moment that I get to spend with “my people”…even though the scheduling of those moments can be hectic and exhausting. 

However, the longer I live outside of the States, the more I start to feel like an outsider. People use street names in conversation, and I cannot, for the life of me, remember where that street is located. As I drive through town, I realize that places I once ate at or shopped at no longer exist. Names that were once familiar don’t ring a bell. I constantly feel like I have to readjust to this place that is supposed to be my home…but the reality is that I don’t live there anymore. My every day life takes place thousands of miles away, and it has for the past 4.5 years (which I still cannot believe). 

Maybe this makes sense to you…and maybe it doesn’t. It doesn’t always make sense to me either. I often get frustrated with myself for having such a hard time being back home, and I’m sure some of you have gotten frustrated with me as well ;) Don’t worry…I get it!

And now, well tomorrow afternoon, I get to enjoy readjusting back to my every day life in Romania, but I’ll be honest and tell you that I’m a little nervous. I feel like change is coming. I don’t know what kind of change(s). I don’t know when things will change. I don’t know why things will change. I just feel like God is taking me into a new season. It feels like a season of growth, which interestingly enough (or not at all) is my theme/word for 2019. You can go back and read about that here. 

I’ve actually been kind of frustrated with myself…and with God, if I’m being totally honest. I’ve been frustrated that I haven’t seen more growth in my life this year. I haven’t kept up with small habits that I’ve wanted to establish in my daily/weekly routine like reading my Bible, journaling, waking up early, being more intentional with my time, reading books instead of scrolling on Instagram, art journaling, eating less sugar, stepping outside of my comfort zone, diving deeper into my friendships, etc. You get the idea. I feel like I’ve failed in these areas and soooo many more…and that’s frustrating. It’s October 1, 2019 and I don’t feel like I’ve grown. 

It’d be really easy for me to want to throw my hands up and quit. To say that there’s only three more months left in 2019 so what’s the point of even trying. But again, I just have this feeling about this new season and I know, deep down, that I need to try again. This is my AWAKENING.

Morgan Harper Nichols

Four Years

Four years ago today, I arrived in Romania. I think I said this when I hit two years as well, but when I left the States to come to Romania, I really had no clue how long I'd be here. I knew it wasn't going to be a short term thing, but I also wasn't entirely sure that it would be a long term thing either. Honestly, at that point, I had stopped trying to predict the future so I can't say that I was thinking too much about the length of my stay.

A lot has happened in these four years. Sometimes I don't feel like four years lends itself to too much change in a person until I think about a freshman versus a senior in high school/college. When I think about it that way, it's almost impossible to overlook the drastic changes that often take place in that span of time.

Raegan and I walking around the airport before saying goodbye on  March 16, 2015.

I also think about how Raegan was 2 years old when I left and now she's 6 years old (and has two younger brothers!). She's changed SO much (physically, emotionally, intellectually) since I first left and sometimes when we're on FaceTime, I can't comprehend that she's reading books or helping Maveric get a snack or trying to calm Holden. She's grown so much in four years, and in so many different ways. Again, drastic changes.

It's also a little crazy to think that when I came to Romania, I was in my 20s and now I'm in my 30s. Granted, I was in my late 20s and now I'm barely in my 30s, but still...that's a fairly big life change. And, as I've said before, this is not at all how I envisioned living my life at 31, but good grief, I couldn't have imagined anything better. And, of course, that doesn't mean that every day is full of sunshine and rainbows...just to be clear.

It continues to feel like such a natural and normal thing for me to live in Romania...a place that I once would've called "a foreign country", but now refer to as home. I often get asked how long I'll live in Romania, and obviously, I have no clue, but for now, it still very much feels like home.

And it is an immense privilege to call it home. It is an immense privilege to do life with the people here. It is an immense privilege to spend time with kiddos in the village and teens in the It Takes Courage programs. It is an immense privilege to help expand the worldview of American university students who come through the Romanian Studies Program. It is an immense privilege to serve the community alongside my Veritas coworkers and foreign volunteers. It is an immense privilege to grow here in Romania.

Before I click "publish", I have to say one more thing...

To every person who has ever said a prayer for me, given a generous financial gift, sent a text or card of encouragement, thank you. Words truly cannot express how grateful I am to have you on this journey with me. My support system is stronger than I ever could have imagined. "My people" are some of the best people, and they (YOU) are a huge reason why I can continue to say that Romania is my home. I came to Romania after I finally stopped being stubborn and started listening to that still, small voice, but I've been able to remain here, and call it my home, because you also listened to that still, small voice.