One Little Word: a mid-year check-in

Well, we're a little more than halfway through 2020 and I thought I'd do a mid-year check-in on my one little word for this year: create. I'm going to be super honest and say that I'm not doing very well with the "goals" that I set related to my word for this year. However, I know that I have to give myself some grace because 2020 has looked nothing like we thought it would...and there have been some major unforeseen circumstances.

I say this, not only for myself, but for you as well. Give yourself grace if your 2020 goals don't look the way you thought they would. Because, well, 2020 hasn't exactly looked the way any of us thought it would.

So, without further ado, here's my mid-year check-in for create. And might I add, that I'm actually writing this post and processing through this more for me than for you (as is true for a lot of my blog posts), but I'm glad you're along for the ride!

Create beautiful things

When I came up with this one, I was thinking almost specifically of art journaling. While I do have a few different art-focused pages in my journal (mostly all prior to March-April), I haven't done nearly as many as I would have liked. However, I feel like I've written a lot more in my journal than in years past, which, to me, feels like I've created beautiful memories to look back on. Even today, as I look back through my journal, I feel like I'm creating this beautiful "thing" that will serve me well for years to come.

Other beautiful things that I've created in the first six months of the year:

• Spotify playlists: Music is everything. I tend to make a playlist for each season (ex. Spring 2020, Summer 2020, etc.), and I have them saved from as far back as 2015. I loooove going back and listening to each of them because they really transport me back to that time in my life. And, as you can probably imagine, I created a playlist, or five, during quarantine. 

• A cozy apartment: While this isn't specific to the first six months of 2020, I've definitely made a few cozy changes to my apartment, specifically during quarantine, since I'm spending A LOT more time here these days. I've had a few people over in the last month or so and almost every single person has commented on how cozy and peaceful my apartment is. For an introverted homebody and enneagram 9 (if you don't know how that's relevant, ignore it), that's a high, high compliment. My apartment is really my sacred space. I feel incredibly blessed to live in such a beautiful place, which includes this apartment, whole house, medieval citadel, beautiful city, gorgeous country, etc. I am grateful that I get to create beautiful things in this beautiful space. 

• Oils & Courage: Just this month, I created a new space on Instagram to share about my love for essential oils and toxin-free products from Young Living. I've been using oils and other YL products since 2018. I share quite often with my friends, like I'd share about a really good cup of coffee or cozy slippers, and I finally decided it was time to expand my circle and share with more people. Young Living has an optional business side that helps people to gain financial freedom, and, as a partner funded missions worker with student loans, I'm allllll about some financial freedom. I am the farthest thing from a pushy salesperson (do you even know me?!), but if you're curious about oils and toxin-free living, you know how to find me!

Create space for my soul to breathe

Well, this one was pretty much given to me, thanks to a mandatory lockdown from mid-March to mid-May, and even after that, as I still spend much more time at home compared to before. I could lie and tell you that I truly made the most of every second of that lockdown (and the time since then)...that I woke up early every day without checking social media first thing...that I drank coffee and read every single morning...that I wrote down 5 things I'm grateful for every day without missing a single one. NOPE. I didn't do any of those things perfectly. I mean, other than drinking coffee every day...you know me! 

I feel like I actually did okay up until mid-June, and then I kind of hit a wall. The wall of "is this way of living ever going to end?!" that I'm sure many of you are familiar with by now. But, I am happy to say that I gave myself a pep talk last Sunday evening. This past week, I woke up earlier than usual. I didn't check social media as soon as I woke up...or even until after I had done some reading or listened to a peaceful podcast of some kind. Small steps, people, small steps! 

Create margin for God

Much like that last one, I did okay with this one for awhile and then kind of veered off track. I was doing different Bible reading plans, listening to sermons, podcasts, daily worship from churches, reading books and articles, journaling my prayers and thoughts...all of the things. And then I kind of just stopped. I think I may have overwhelmed myself with too much information, which I have a tendency to do.

In the last few weeks, I've tried to narrow it down a bit. One of the things I've really been wanting to focus on is reading and better understanding the Bible. I started Angie Smith's Seamless study with a friend, and we have one more week to go. Honestly, I've put off starting this last week because I don't want to be done with the study! Silly, but that's what I do! Anyways, I'd highly recommend this study to anyone who is wanting to better "understand the Bible as one complete study", which is the subtitle!

Create a difference in the lives of others

This one is hard for me to measure. I would love to say that I've been creating huge differences in the lives of those around me, but I really don't know if that's true. I definitely feel like some connections with various teens and young adults have deepened in the first half of the year, which is incredibly exciting. I've been able to have some serious conversations about life and relationships...and even a few conversations about God! I often feel extremely unqualified in these types of conversations because I surely don't have life, relationships or God all figured out, but it's definitely a humbling privilege to know that the teens/young adults feel comfortable talking to me about these big issues.

In addition to these conversations, I was able to have a small group of girls from the village over to my apartment a few weeks ago, along with Roxana (leader of the children's program in the village). The children's program still isn't meeting, but Roxana has started meeting with her smaller preteen girls' group again. During a conversation with Roxana, I told her that I'd love to have her and the girls over to my apartment sometime, and a week later, they were here!

While there weren't any monumental moments during this fun "girls' day out", it felt like Roxana and I were able to invest in them in a new way. We talked about life. We talked about their hopes and dreams. We talked about their futures. Roxana and I both felt like this day, a day out of the village and their normal routine, opened their eyes up to new possibilities...and to hope. After returning to the village, Roxana and I chatted for a few hours about the day (and lots of other things). We both felt like this day was one neither of us would forget...and we were pretty sure the girls would never forget it either!

There are so many unknowns that lie ahead related to programs. But, regardless of what official programs look like in September, I know there will always be opportunities to invest in the lives of others, and I'm excited about that.

And there we have it! A mid-year check-in on my one little word for the year: create. It's so hard to know what the rest of the year will look like, but I feel like I can definitely move forward in each of these areas whether we return to how things were before (ha ha ha) or go back to a more restricted season (please, no!). It's interesting how I chose this word (or it chose me) at the start of the year, before any of us knew what 2020 would bring, and yet it feels like the perfect word. 

Here's to the second half of 2020...

...to creating more beautiful things

...more space for my soul to breathe

...more margin for God

...and more of a difference in the lives of others!

adjust accordingly

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I have thoroughly enjoyed Jess Connolly and Katie Walters' Made Up Morning Show. Thankfully, they've figured out how to save them on IGTV so you can go back and watch the shows from last week. Basically, the goal of each show is to give the viewers a strength tip and a joy tip, and to offer some encouragement during this strange time we're all living in.

Jess' strength tip from yesterday was "adjust accordingly", and those two words are exactly what I needed to hear.

One thing that I've been thinking about a lot is our next/new normal. I know this is something we're all thinking about and navigating through, and it's just been so heavy on my heart. There are still soooo many unknowns related to programs and ministry, my trip to the States this summer, what the fall is going to look like, etc.

But I think the biggest fear I have right now, as the world opens back up, is that we're all going to go back to "normal". I'm afraid that the world is going to return to the busy, chaotic pace that none of us can keep up with. I'm afraid that we're going to try to make up for the weeks and months that we've "lost"...even though I feel so strongly that we have not lost this time, nor can we make up for everything we wanted/needed to do during this time.

And more than that, I think deep down I'm afraid that I am going to return to the busy, chaotic pace.

I'm afraid that I'm going to get up and go at the last minute in the mornings, instead of enjoying the peace that comes with a slow morning of coffee drinking, Bible/book reading and music listening.

I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to effectively communicate to others my desire to keep a slower pace. Of course, I'm not here, in Romania or on earth, to sit in my house, but I'm also not here to go go go until I burnout and crash.

I'm also afraid that I'm going to be so excited to spend time with my people that I do one of two things...potentially put myself at risk by exposing myself to too many people too soon...and/or...fill my days and nights with time with friends (in person and online) and neglect the me time that I so desperately need to survive and thrive as an introvert living cross-culturally.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to find balance in our new normal. 

And this is where I circle back around to adjust accordingly. I am going to have to give myself grace, give others grace, and adjust accordingly. It's as simple as that...and yet I know it won't be simple at all.

Photo by Mathyas Kurmann on Unsplash

During yesterday's episode of the show, Jess used the imagery of waves. She talked about seeing these waves of defeat and disappointment (and I would even add fear) that are coming at us, and how we're standing in the tension of the tide. She talked about the importance of not trying to hold the waves back, but rather to pay attention to where each wave is coming from.

She went through a number of questions that we can ask the wave and/or ourselves as the waves come in. Where did the wave come from? Where does the wave need to go? Where will the wave be the most effective? Do I need to send the wave away? Is this wave a lie from the enemy? Is this a wave of grief that I need to make space for? Where can the wave empower my life the most right now?

I realize that this might seem pretty abstract, but hopefully you understand what I'm trying to say...through what Jess was trying to say. And actually, Katie stressed the importance of paying attention to what we're thinking and how we're feeling. We need to give ourselves time and allow ourselves to get quiet in order to let these thoughts/feelings come in. She suggested journaling ways that we've grown in the last 8 weeks (or however many)...as well as to note what we've overcome. But also, as we're thinking and/or journaling about this, to do so without shame, judgment, discouragement, etc.

While I consider myself to be a fairly emotional person, I'm not great at recognizing my feelings and feeling them. I tend to push them down and avoid them...especially the hard feelings like fear, sadness, grief, etc. But, I think to be able to adjust accordingly in a healthy way, I need to know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling.

So...hopefully you've found some encouragement in all of these words. I recognize that they aren't super organized or clear, but the main idea is to give yourself and others grace as you adjust accordingly.

A recent sunset from my balcony

Some 'Shelter in Place' Favorites

My morning must-haves during shelter in place

I started this blog post a few weeks ago, when this whole quarantine/shelter in place thing had just begun. It was new and exciting, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that staying home for a week or two sounded pretty awesome. I love love love what I do, but as an introvert who loves quiet weekends at home, staying home for a whole week sounded quite lovely. I made a quarantine bucket list, signed up for free art journaling classes, wrote out a cleaning list, stacked up the books I wanted to read, etc. I was ready!

And then one week passed...and another week passed...and before I knew it, I had lost my momentum. I feel like I've been riding a rollercoaster with lots of ups and downs...and a few of those crazy upside down loops. I've felt relaxed, lonely, peaceful, sad, productive, lazy, content, fearful, refreshed, frustrated, calm, impatient, fulfilled, upset, optimistic, bored, safe, useless, encouraged, anxious, blessed, isolated, thankful, etc. Are you understanding why I'm using the rollercoaster comparison yet?

I'm sure many of you are experiencing these same feelings whether you live alone, with a roommate or spouse, have children running around the house, etc. We're all doing this for the first time and I think it's safe to say that nobody has a clue how to do this "well".

I completed a floral illustration during the first week of shelter in place.

By now you know how much I love Annie F. Downs. She is a podcaster/author/speaker/Instagram story-er and I just really enjoy her. Anyways, since all of this began, she has been asking herself the following question:

"How can I be healthier 

- emotionally, physically and spiritually - 

on the other side of this?" 

I've thought a lot about this, and truthfully, I get overwhelmed if I try to answer it. Why? Well, because I want to listen to this podcast and read that book and clean my apartment and organize my things and go for walks and cook more and establish a better sleep routine! I want to DO all of the things! But, here's what I've learned...I can also just be. I can sit with my feelings and journal. I can take walks and listen to podcasts. I can start every day by reading the Bible instead of checking social media. I can be slow and quiet and still be productive.

So...that's what I'm doing. I'm not being super productive in the idea that I'm doing a lot of projects or crossing a lot of tasks off of my to-do list, but I feel kind of productive. I'm taking things one moment at a time. I'm not putting as much pressure on myself. I'm learning to be slow and quiet...and productive.

With all of that said, I wanted to share some of my 'shelter in place' favorites with you! There are a handful of things that I make sure to catch every day/week, and I think they're worth sharing. I'm hoping maybe one of two of them encourages you in some way!

A few of my favorite things...

TSFQuarantine podcast: Again, my fav, Annie F. Downs, has been doing a daily quarantine podcast with another favorite of mine, Eddie Kaufholz. As you can see in the little photo above, they talk about everything from baby goats to jazz leadership. I often listen to this podcast while I'm out on a walk and I usually end up laughing out loud at some point. Good thing nobody is around to hear me!

Made Up Morning Show: I can't really link to this one since the shows are live each day (well, just Monday through Thursday actually). But these shows have been such a HUGE encouragement to me. I don't have many things written on my weekly schedule, but this is definitely on there! Jess Connolly and Katie Walters are sisters who decided to create a made-up morning show where they share tips for strength and joy...and they also just chat like two sisters.

Kitchen Covers: Drew & Ellie Holcomb, both singers with their own music, have been bringing these Kitchen Covers to Instagram every single day. They are covering a variety of artists and songs, and it's fun to check in each day and see what they've done. They're amazing performers! I've enjoyed each of them, but Wildflowers by Tom Petty has probably been my favorite so far!

CrossPoint prayer and worship: This church, based in Nashville, is one that I've "attended" online now for awhile...even before COVID-19. When I've stayed home from church on a Sunday for whatever reason, I've tuned into their service. I really enjoy hearing from their pastor and other members of their teaching team. One of those members is Annie F. Downs, which is how I heard of CrossPoint. Anyways, they are doing prayer and worship on YouTube twice a week (on Tuesdays and Thursdays I believe), and I've really enjoyed joining in on it each week.

Bridgetown Daily: This podcast comes out of Bridgetown Church in Portland, Seattle, which is pastored by John Mark Comer. I've read a few of John Mark's books, and I really enjoy reading/hearing about how he sees God and Sabbath, specifically. Anyways, Bridgetown is releasing daily podcasts focused on a variety of topics. They "tagline" for these podcasts is "A daily meditation on scripture, a quote, or the life of a saint to ground you in God and his peace." And I think we all need that right now.

Good News Movement: This is an Instagram account that has brought me so much joy! Basically, they share a little good news every day! Most of it is related to COVID-19, and it reminds me that we really are all in this together, figuring things out one day at a time.

There you have it. That's, more or less, what I've been up to over the past few weeks. I've also enjoyed many, many gorgeous sunsets from my balcony, as you can see above. I've baked chocolate chip banana bread. I've hosted weekly Zoom calls with my It Takes Courage 2.0 group, and started a Bible study via Zoom with two of my girls (past ITC teens who are now in college). I've participated in a variety of other Zoom calls, FaceTimed with my sister and the kids a lot more, read a few books, watched a handful for TV shows and movies...all of the normal things :)

As I wrap this post up, I hope that you will remember to have grace with yourself, and with others, during this time. I also hope that you will ask yourself how you can be healthier - emotionally, physically, spiritually - after this is over. And I hope you will enjoy these pretty doors!